


6 Months Until The Last Snowflake Falls

by Nerozhilai



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: DenNor, I don't know what I'm doing, M/M, SuFin, cancer fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 05:11:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18771883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerozhilai/pseuds/Nerozhilai
Summary: Lukas Bondevik is a blind violinist who abhors the world. Being blind from birth, Lukas finds it hard to find anything beautiful, only ever self-absorbed and a withdrawn individual who spends countless days playing his musical instrument. Mathias Kohler is an ex-bassist who has yet to come terms with his terminal illness that would render him incapacitated in a few months.





	6 Months Until The Last Snowflake Falls

_"Be thankful for today because in one moment, your entire life can change." - Anon._

1st month:

Walking down the pebbled sidewalk, it was the end of spring and summer had set in the lush green trees embittered into a soiled golden brown that brushed past the sidewalk, the mordent smell of coffee brown soil wafted into the air, the numbers bustling to and fro down the jagged path, ducking underneath honey golden leaves that rustled, teeming with life. A lone musician stood in the audience of passersby, eyes closed, skin pale and donning a scarf that wrapped around his neck, dissembling his lips and the tip of his nose that freckled with red.

_Lukas Bondevik_

The blind violinist prodigy as they've acclaimed him to be and no doubt the way his bow danced and how his arms slid back and forth, thread against thread, dancing to the melancholy of his crest-fallen music, bringing forth uncertain despondency, compelling people of different colors, different pasts and labels to flick a coin onto his violin case laid next to him.

A distinct physique halted in front of him and with a mirth-full smirk, flicked his own coin, a cheeky smile ever present on his bubbly face, golden hair brushed of his forehead, in discernable spikes that oddly resembled that of a plant, striking cerulean eyes and a winsome face to win it all.

He clasped his hand together in an audible clap, and Lukas shoulder's loosened, his bow and violin lowered as if to acknowledge the strange presence in front of him.

"You play really well," He joshed, his claps waning off into the distance, his interest clearly piqued with how his blue eyes were glazed over and he reluctantly extends his arm, waiting for the other to take albeit; Lukas stayed taut, his eyes closed and for some reason Mathias pondered why it was.

"My name is Mathias Kohler,"

2nd month:

Mathias had waited for Lukas to finish his daily tutoring session, which the Norwegian frequently did as a side job, mainly because it helped with the daily expenses. The seasons have turned warm now, the sun scorching and the days grew longer and the night grew shorter. Beads of sweat blossomed from the other's feverish skin as he awaited for his friend, who later on revealed himself, hobbling out of a twin crested ornate door, probably dark Oakwood, tapping his cane along the small flight of stairs, spurring Mathias to aid him down, only to be deliberately shoved off and rejected.

"Don't. Pity. Me. Kohler." He glowered, and he opened his eyes, a blue-gray milkiness that showed only fiery indignation at the other's advances. Mathias froze up in spot before chuckling riotously, scratching his nape as he did so. "Sorry, Lukas—"He apologizes profusely, head hanging and gaze averted.

He had deciphered over time that Lukas was blind; it was one of the latter's insecurities and he reprehended anyone who would take pity on him and that include majority of the human population, viewing the world in such a contemptuous, pessimistic view point and perceiving most human interaction as unremarkable and insignificant with little to no outcome, a verdant fruit left to rot.

Somehow despite all of this, Mathias had wriggling himself into Lukas's daily life and also their interactions have been all but bitter before, it ameliorated and escalated every day until Lukas had found Mathias's presence to be soothing, propitiating him when he was being trampled by his own insecurities.

3rd month

Mathias had noticed over the past days, really how his tousled blonde hair would grow thinner, thinner and thinner until it ruffled away when he combed through it. Obvious distraught in his visage and he felt himself sliding down the bathroom wall, wrapping his arms around the comfort of his legs, face buried against sallow and tender skin as he observed the tufts of wheat that littered around him, the bathroom in disarray, sobs erupted from his throat and his breathed staggered, feeling asphyxiated by the growing apprehensive thought of death knocking around the corner.

As he watched his tears stream from his face like an open faucet, sagely inconsolable, a knock would present itself on his doorstep, accompanied by the incessant pressing of his doorbell. Slowly and surely he gathered himself, wiping the droplets of tears that emerged from the sea of his blue eyes, finally desolating the bathroom after what it seemed like hours.

This wasn't virtuous; this wasn't equitable, that sooner or later his friable state would worsen and he would be incapacitated, disfigured in hospital bed, left to die alone.

Putting on a façade was easier than admitting his doubts, his concerns and the demons he had to face when he was alone. It was so much easier to smile through pain than share the sorrow and distraught with people around you.

He treads towards the main door and opens it, seeing Lukas appear, bringing a blissful smile on his face as he did so. The aching faded and diminished extinguished by the blonde that stood on his doorstep, amidst the heat of the summer sun, the cacophony of bird's chirps drowning off in the background.

"Lukas~!" He exclaimed with jubilation, arms wrapped instantly around the other's frame causing Lukas to stagger a little backwards, a lone arm wrapped around the Dane's waist, the other holding a crumpled brown bag with 'Lukas' scrawled on top of it. As their faces brushed momentarily could Lukas feel as there was damp flesh slapped against his own, the friction bleak and unusually frigid.

"… Are you OK…?"

4th month

The night sky was exhilarating, brilliant bejeweled stars hung themselves against the vast midnight blue atmosphere, the rustling of leaves against the moonlit winds and the whistle of tones at the gales whirled past them. In the midst of a the grass field sat two men, one eyes brilliantly complemented the midnight blue sky and one whose had his close, shrouded in deep shadow by the offset of his brow ridge. They both remained to be cordially taciturn, cumbersome bodies against the pillow of green strands that littered over the field, munificent and abundant.

"The night looks really good tonight!" Mathias had the audacity to point out, causing Lukas to audibly scoff, shaking his head lightly.

_Didn't this buffoon get it? It's not like he can see it either ways. Mathias was stupid._

Still he baffled himself why Mathias had successfully brought him out in the middle of the night where the temperature was freezing as the autumn sets in and the branches becoming bare, leaves falling leaving them naked. Plants would shrivel and brown and golden leaves littered the ground. Even the greenery had turned a tad earthly and no doubt would hibernate soon, extinguished back to the soil to thrive again in the opening of spring.

"Oh look at that star! It looks like a horse—err—a cat? Dog?" He could even discern even the most simple of information even when he was the one blessed with the ability to see, so his companion could only stifle a small fit of facetious laughter, nearly tearing up at the other's puzzlement.

"You're an idiot, you know that Matt?" He called, his breath harrowing underneath him, shuddering as the cold wind pressed against his skin, causing him to rubbing his attenuated fingers along the boney ridge of his right arm. "I can't see *shit.* "Lukas curses in hilarious profanity, prompting a gasp from Matthias.

"I can't  _believe_  you Lukas! Did you just curse?" For a fact, it was nothing but joviality and buoyancy that tainted the blonde's voice, rolling his eyes at the other's misleading attitude, feeling the coldness of the air stick to his skin away, causing him to quiver lightly.

So suddenly before the Dane could muster up another witty reproach, Lukas steels himself just enough to roll over to Mathias's side nuzzling against the warmth of his torso, laying his head so lightly against the other's warmth, causing Mathias to constrict, promptly tongue-tied as his diaphragm entraps itself and his heart threatening to burst as his lungs refused to pump.

"For the record…" Lukas stared, his voice drawled as he looked up at what he could only make out at the Dane's face, a soft smile of hilarity prevailed on his face. "It's not so bad… Tonight I mean." Averred the Norwegian and Matthias's laughs, breath throttling as he tentatively sneaks his arm around Lukas's thin waist pulling him closer, closer and closer until he could feel Lukas's breath tickle his face, pressing the ghost of a kiss against fervent lips and both conjectured that truly, the feelings that stirred inside of them were more than just illusions of the weary heart.

It felt like acid lava circulating in their veins rewiring them and the kiss grew more avid over time, passion lapped on the both of them and Matthias takes this advantage to outclass the Norwegian, pushing his tongue in between the other's jaw, licking along the hollow of his cheeks, the bumpiness of his teeth and the taste that lingered in between them, all the while earnest touches wiped down the other's body, down Lukas's sides, up Mathias's shoulder.

Mathias ends the zestful kiss too soon and a whine pushed its way through Lukas's parted ones as if in lost, yearning for the touch the other wanted to give him so. Mathias licks his damp lips and suddenly felt so penitent.

"L-Lukas…" He stammered unable to process the grave mistake that he had just allowed to happen, a blunder that he would regret for the rest of his days that would only mar abrasions on his soul when he would pass from the earth, because Mathias was ticking time bomb and nearly at its peak.

"Y-Yeah..?" Lukas pondered if it was something that he did, wondered if it was his fault to stir something wicked and odious inside the other to frenzy his sadness, his deplorable expression that even Lukas knew was prolific on his face.

"I have to tell you something…" Barely a hushed whisper, only amplified enough for the Norwegian to grasp and assimilate the meaning. Lukas was expecting it, three words, and the syllables that would put them both in composure and confirm the other's bursting feelings.

_"I'm dying, Lukas._ " As if three new words spelled death for the other and Lukas felt his heart sink deep into his stomach, felt reprehension and detest pile up in his core, because the other had been so *knavish* allowing Lukas to fall in love with him, allowing it to get this far.

He couldn't even search for words that didn't exist and so he lets the sobs take over as he pressed his face against Mathias's collarbone, gritting his teeth together. "Why does everything I ever care about…? Everything I  _love everything_ I  _give a shit about_ always  _leave_ me…?" He bellowed, deep in sullen, trying to stifle most of his hurt, trying to aid plasters on the wound that Mathias had lacerated him with, leaving him disfigured.

Mathias bore no answer and so silently, he wallowed in self-pity. There was hollowness in the midst of them.

5th month

It was night and the heat of the party had gotten the better of them, being invited to the early Christmas party of Tino and Berwald, only leaving both of the blonde incoherent, Mathias mustering the last of his strength to drag Lukas home, though as soon as they Lukas's back collided with the smooth door, his arms fly around Mathias's neck, bringing the taller male's head down, brushing their lips with extreme fervor, his knee digging against his lover's crotch.

Mathias lets out a throaty gasp in retort, his arms pinning the shorter male's against the expanse of the door, prompting Lukas to immediately writhe and struggle against the other's touch, trying to pry Mathias's inviolable grip to no avail, the Dane's hand locked him in place and kissed underneath his jaw, down the sensitive skin of his neck nibbling lightly, sucking earnestly, leaving little love marks here and there.

Lukas presses his knee unreasonably hard against the Dane's nether regions, causing Mathias to retreat and gasp in pain as he did so. "We're not doing it outside, Mathias—"He shuddered, feeling the air cloud up around him, shivering lightly as he pocketed the key to  _their_  house, considering that Mathias had moved in a few weeks ago.

"That  _fucking_  hurts, Lukas—"Hissed the other, all the while hands set on his jeans trying to ease and palliate the pain he felt, much to his dismay. It didn't take Lukas long to creak the door open and unfathomable eyes looked back at his pained boyfriend as if beckoning him inside. "Are you going to whine about it or fuck me?"

At the vulgarities and the scrutiny of his boyfriend, Mathias could feel himself come alive and so zestfully he followed after Lukas, only to press him against the wall, kicking the door shut, the ring of keys dropping on the floor with a clunk and a ring, probably to be found in the midst of all their clatter in the morning.

Mathias takes a long drag, peppering the neck of his lover with much kisses, licks and everything in between, anything that could foster out all those lovely moans from the other male and Lukas wasn't in the mood to deny him of that to be honest. They rut against in other in unimaginable heat, crotch against crotch, enough to frenzy both of them alive.

It didn't take long until the two stumbled themselves towards the bedroom, undressing all the way, leaving a litter of clothes after their trail and of course, sooner or later Lukas's back was pressed against the softness of the comforter and Mathias was on top of his him, pressing kisses all over his face, causing the Norwegian to swat at him. "Q-Quit that! I-I-I-It tickles! M-Mathias, no, s-top!" He exclaimed, voice thundering as he did so squirming in the other's hold, trying to push Mathias's face away from his.

"No! I'm a monster and I'll eat you guts~! Rawr!" Other professed before lunging for the other's flat stomach and lavishing the skin with much more kisses, causing Lukas to burst out in a strong fit of laughter, gripping the sheets below him. "No! Stop! Stop—Ahhaha- stop!" He cried out, feeling tears teetering from his lashes, streaming down his cheeks.

Mathias slowly retracts his head from the other's stomach, pressing his weight lightly against Lukas, leaving a kiss on his lips, soft and gentle, before he reached over to the cabinet, pulling out a bottle of lotion, holding it up, pressing the cold container against Lukas's face, causing the other to furrow his eyebrows.  
"Stop surprising me idiot!" He upbraided, his eyes sliding open to glare at the direction he perceived his lover's face was, Mathias drawing the container away from Lukas's face, a smile of hilarity stained his features before he popped the lid open. "Alright…." He lilted, humming a sing song tune, pressing his fingers against the other's entrance.

Their rutting came by next and the only audio was the light creaking of the bed and the moans that littered around the air, the musk thick as the two men rocked against each other's body, groaning and moaning in unison as they did so, scratching marks all over the other's body, marking, kissing, licking. It was surprisingly soft, a torturous pace but full of love anyways, that and Mathias had the gall to make jokes throughout it, turning it into something full of endeavor in a second. Lukas didn't really appreciate it, but when both reached rapture and their unwieldy body stuck together, Mathias rolling off of Lukas and heaving a sigh, then a small hobble of laughter followed as he gathered the Norwegian that laid close to him, causing Lukas to press a hand against his face. "No cuddling, you're sticky and I don't like it." He protested, though the next thing he did was rather contradicting, rolling over so he could slink an arm around Matthias's waist, nuzzling his chest. "Says the one who's cuddly~" He teased, playing with the Norwegian's hair.

This was nice, amicable even and the Dane was glad to have lived through their tender moments with his lover. Everything was idyllic and of course the apprehension of dying was still there. Especially since Mathias had noticed that his hair had gotten indisputably thin these past days and his skin turned sallow, and was rapidly losing weight, the blood spitting and nosebleeds had become rampant as well and he was so relieved that Lukas didn't have to see all that mess, didn't have to see what a mess Mathias had become.

"Good night, Matthias." The Norwegian bids farewell, pressing a faint kiss against the other's cheek, burrowing himself in the warmth that the other offered. With a rueful smile that traced his features, his fingers found themselves tangling in Lukas's smooth blonde hair. "Good night. I love you."

6th month

"Give us a smile Mathias!" Tino touted from where he was standing, polaroid camera in his hands as he did so. Mathias complied, gracing his friends with a small smile. It had been exceptionally hard to breathe nowadays and the pain he felt was excruciating even when they'd administered pain killers, it only got more and more apparent that Mathias wasn't going to prevail through this and he could see it beyond the transparency of Tino's smile or Berwald's unexplained silence—maybe it was  _only_  Lukas who coveted that he fight through, because then the Norwegian wouldn't be able to go on without the Dane.

He felt ugly.

He felt really ugly.

There was not a strand of blonde hair left on his scalp, his flesh hanging on to the brittle frame of his bones. His eyes were sunken and dulled to a sullen grey color, his lips chapped and he was consistently dehydrated, lips flaking off. Bruises sported all over his body, black, blue and some of them yellow or the verge of healing only to be replaced with new ones. He was hooked onto so many machines, couldn't even eat by himself and everyday was just another arduous task, another onerous day to live, because his body would flare up with hurt until he was breathless. He would scream until he was deaf, because he longed for death, feeling his body crushed underneath the pressure and those would be the days where Lukas would be the most disconsolate, the streams down his eyes as he tried to conciliate his lover's pain to no avail, because Mathias would crumble under any touch and plead them, beseech them to let him rest.

He was feeling guilt-stricken. He'd brought this upon himself; he'd brought this upon Lukas. He'd allow the Norwegian to sidle so close to him when he should've kept him at arm's length and now the Norwegian only had to plug his ears close when Mathias was on an outbreak of anguish, begging so profoundly, begging to perpetually to be relieved from the pain, enough to make the strangers outside of the room, peek in out of concern, knowing that the pain couldn't be alleviated.

Tino retrieves the picture and flick it, letting it set before showing it to Mathias who laid on his bed, incapacitated, barely breathing, and his hollow, sunken eyes drifted to the picture, a smile on his face, a very piteous one indeed.

"I look-" He rasped, his voice coarse. "I look really ugly without my hair haha—" He gave the other a farcical laughter, however it was easy to fathom how deplorable the blond was about his condition. He detested being in the hospital, unable to stand, let alone feed himself. It was like his life was hanging on a thread growing shorter and shorter every day. Mathias feels Lukas rise from his spot and sit on his bed, his hand running across the other's forehead, the other's scalp, his eyebrows that also had started to fall off because of chemotherapy. "I don't think you're ugly." Lukas proclaimed and leaned to kiss his forehead, just mouthing something in Norwegian that he wouldn't be able to construe.

"You're just saying that because you love me—Haha" Rebukes the quivery voice that spoke up, feeling to lethargic to insert any more effort than he should.

"That's true… I'll always love you." It hurt really when Lukas would say those words to someone he knew that he was lose, to someone he knew would go away and yet he couldn't help it. He couldn't force his feelings to cease because Mathias has been anything but bad to him. He'd become so essential in the other's life. He'd become his greatest asset and greatest ultimatum, all concocted into the same man.

"I'll always love you too, Lukas. Forever."

7th month – Epilogue

He felt the winds past his ears like a careless whisper, touching him in such an intimate way, as if he was an albatross ready to spread his wings, soar through the winds, against the tide and yet his vision remained dark. It was late at night and the snow fell against his upright form, hands tucked deeply inside his pocket. Something about this was rather familiar, like he found himself standing in the midst of the grass fields at night with  _him._

_He_  had passed away a few weeks ago and Lukas would be fraudulent should he profess that he hadn't felt the anguish, the fury and the frustration that accompanied itself with a screeching shrill as Tino held him down, as his fingers shook and his knees buckled underneath him, how his heart missed so many beats and how he was convinced that his lungs wouldn't work and that he was a broken contraption. Everything just fell apart; everything was in disarray and Lukas found himself licking his wounds in solitude, feeling his heart separate in fragmentary pieces.

As he readied himself, he cleared his throat, taking in a deep breath, feeling the feeling still asphyxiating him, still an invisible noose hung around his neck because he'd never found himself so besotted with one person in all his life. Then so suddenly as if the cruel God of Fate decided that they weren't mean for each other, snagged Mathias from his hold and made him feel so empty.

He bends over, picking up the violin that he set on his feet, tucking it in between his head and shoulder and then he begins to pick up a song that sounded to be oddly familiar, the same song that revolved around their meeting, the same song that drew  _him_  closer, made him flick a coin and compelled him to pester the Norwegian everday, despite being lashed at or impudently ignored. Maybe if he did, he would be lost in the orchestra of the song and then he would relive that very same day, have another chance to hug  _him_ , kiss  _him,_ love  _him_ and be with  _him_.

At least as he continued to play the song with match avidity, poised in his position and with an emotional tumor growing inside of him, swelling turgid, blocking his air pipes, strangulating him and yet he knew he couldn't help it. He couldn't help the pain that was so bittersweet because he knew that forever was just another life away until he would find himself underneath Mathias's sight again.

Truly, truly. For someone who had never seen the world—a ray of light, or a loom of shadow—the last 6 months with the man he so dotted had been so  _ **beautiful.**_

**_End._ **


End file.
